Zevra
by LivNel4ever
Summary: Zebras are known for their distinctive white and black stripes. Their stripes come in different patterns unique to each individual. The name "zebra" comes from the old Portuguese word zevra, which means “wild ass”.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello all! Hope you enjoy this. It's been awhile since I last posted...i'm a little rusty.**

_Zebras are known for their distinctive white and black stripes. Their stripes come in different patterns unique to each individual._ _The name "zebra" comes from the old Portuguese word zevra, which means "wild ass". _

She let out a loud chuckle. That was her and Elliot alright; she the white stripes and he the black, both of them unable to see the gray shaded area. She didn't know why she came home and googled 'zebra'. Truth be told she couldn't remember what Dale had said about zebras in the first place. She just remembered that he said it, and she couldn't get the five letter word out of her damn mind.

:::::::::::::::::

It wasn't working she realized, an hour and half later. Her hot bath was barely warm, her favorite classical CD was on its last track, the bubbles were almost gone, and the candles were just about to burn out. She could still smell the chocolate from his breath; still taste it in her mouth. She shook her head and swore. An item she would no longer be able to eat. Of all things, it had to be chocolate. To add insult to injury she was due for her period. There was nothing she craved more than a plain Hershey's chocolate bar during this time. That fucker.

Her eyes opened; surprised that she was able to close them at all, even if it was for just a couple seconds. She grabbed her glass of white wine and took the last sip. It was pointless. The aroma candles, the warm bath, the classical music, even the glass of wine, would not relax her, and would definitely not put her to sleep, not tonight.

She gracefully got out of the tub, and wrapped a large navy blue towel around herself, letting the extra water evaporate into her skin. She went to the sink and brushed her teeth for the 100th time that night. She debated whether she should put on some cotton shorts and a tank and curl up on the couch; or a pair of tight jeans and shirt that accented her 'girls' and go to the bar.

_Black and white._

Her mind was made up when she tasted his mouth in hers, again. Only 100 proof alcohol stood a chance at killing it, "Bar it is," she mumbled to herself as she walked to her bedroom. She had a good three hours to kill before closing time.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

She walked down the street to her favorite bar, The Lone Wolf. The name seemed fitting, no? Her new three inch strappy stilettos starting hurting her feet the moment she put them on, and now they were down right killing her. But they made her legs look like steal, and her ass pop just perfectly. Hell, she was a woman after all.

"Two shots of SoCo lime, and a blue light, please?" She asked the familiar bartender as she sat towards the end of the bar. She placed her credit card on the bar and her eyes scanned around the room looking for anyone suspicious. She rolled her eyes at her own self, _always a cop_, she thought.

Her shots came, and she downed one after the other with out even a shutter. She looked up at the young bartender who was smiling at her, "Tough day, huh?"

"You have no idea," she said pushing the empty shot glasses towards him, "I'll take two more."

The bartender smiled at her, and nodded his head as he headed off to make her some more. Brett was her favorite bartender; he always had a smile on his face, and never asked questions, "You know it's a week night?" He asked as he poured the shots, two for her and one for him. "Cheers," he said and they clinked the tiny glasses together.

The shot went down easy, and she knew that could mean trouble, but tonight she didn't care. "Good thing I have off tomorrow," she said as she took a sip of her beer.

"I've missed you Liv, I haven't seen you in awhile."

Olivia smiled, "Been busy," she said as she downed the remaining shot on the bar.

"Those are on me, for old times," he said with a smile and walked away to help some other customers.

Olivia smiled and exhaled. Finally, the alcohol was working.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

She took another shot in honor of O'Halloran. "Another one bites the dust," she said as she downed the amber liquid. She swiped the bangs out of her face, and took a deep breath. She could picture Ryan's body lying on the floor, helpless. He was dead, and Elliot had almost died; right in front of her eyes no less. She felt the tears begin to pool in her eyes, and caught a sob in the pit of stomach, now was not the time for an emotional breakdown. Maybe the alcohol was working too well.

She had gone to the hospital with Elliot, and while they waited neither of them spoke. Both to shell shocked to even string together a single sentence. It didn't matter with them anyway. Their eyes have held conversations for ten years and now was no different.

They had been waiting for twenty minutes in the small room when she felt herself start to break. She leaned over in the chair her forearms coming to rest on her thighs as her hands held her face. Elliot immediately saw her shoulders start to shrug, and quickly leaned over the hospital bed, "Hey, come on," he said quietly as he began to rub her back. He didn't notice the pain that ripped through his entire chest as he stayed in the uncomfortable position. He just knew that she needed him, and he would walk through fire to be there for her.

His heart sank as he heard her sob. He just wanted to wrap his body around hers and comfort her. But he knew, as well as she, that the rubbing of the back was as far as they took things, with the exception of the one hug (in their eleven year partnership) after the birth of his fifth child. Just thinking about it gives him chills to this very day.

"I'm so sorry, Elliot," she said as she tried to compose herself. "I'm sorry I hit you, that I hurt you."

She didn't have to say it, he knew. He knew every God damn thing she was thinking, because somewhere along their partnership they were able to read each others minds, become each others conscious, and know exactly what the other was feeling with just one glance into each others eyes. It's what saved them in that Lab.

Elliot smiled, "What, you think this hurts?" He asked as he motioned to his bruised and cut up face, "You hit like a girl, Benson."

She let out a stifled laugh, "Ha ha," she mocked, "I saw you squirm when I hit you, Elliot."

"I did no such thing," he said with one of his famous smiles, because of course she was right. Her hand stung like a son-of-a-bitch.

"You're such a liar," she said as she wiped a few straggling tears with the back of her hand.

And that was all that was said. His kids had walked in shortly after that, and Olivia decided it was time to leave. She wanted to ask where Kathy was, but she had a funny feeling that it was a touchy subject.

So alone she sits at the bar, drinking herself into sweet oblivion.

:::::::::::::::::::

The next morning can only be described as the worlds worst hangover. She woke up with a headache that made her blind. The dark curtains doing nothing to keep the bursting ray of sunlight out of her room and stinging her eyes. She tried to open one eye to see what time it was, but all the numbers blurred together. What she was able to make out was a giant glass of water placed next to her cell on her nightstand.

She groaned inwardly as she chugged the whole thing in less than 3 seconds. She knew who had put there, because he always puts it there, Brett the bartender. She rolled over and curled up into the fetal position. She told herself that the last time she slept with him, was going to be the _last _time.

The other thing that pissed her off was that she was too drunk to remember it. Of course that would be her luck, she got laid for the first time in months, and she couldn't remember a damn thing. She had to assume it was good, as it always was with him. Her inner thigh muscles were burning so she was sure she put on a good show.

She was just about to fall back asleep when she heard a small knock on her door. She swore silently as she rolled off her bed and stumbled to the door, wondering what he forgot.

She used all her strength to open the door, her eyes still unable to focus to the bright lights, "Whhhhat?" She said through an annoyed yawn.

"What? That's it? I come with bagels and coffee and that's how you greet me?" He said through mocked hurt.

Olivia's eyes forced open at the sound of his voice, "Oh shit, Elliot. I'm sorry; I uh…thought you were someone else." She offered as an apology.

Elliot's eyebrows raised above his head as he tried to contemplate the scene that just unfolded in front of him. She looked a wreck. Her hair was matted in every which direction and her normal tanned skin was greenish-white. His eyes travelled past her shoulders and when he came across her chest he instantly looked down. Her shirt was practically see-through! He could feel his cheeks become warm and it didn't help that when he looked down all he could see was legs; long, luxurious, perfectly toned, legs.

"You expecting company at ten o'clock on a Wednesday?"

Olivia smiled, and was suddenly aware of her dress ensemble. She was wearing a long white T-shirt without a bra, and a pair of boxers that she couldn't remember buying. She quickly let Elliot inside and shut the door, "Uh, Thanks. I um, I'm just going to change real quick," and disappeared into her bedroom.

He walked over towards the island in her kitchen and placed the bag of bagels and coffee down on the counter. It took him a second before he realized the shape of her kitchen. It looked more like a college fraternities than Olivia's. Most of her pots and pans that hung from the cabinets were thrown askew around the room. Her fridge was left open with a beer bottle spilling it's contents onto the floor, while what appeared to be her TV remote on the second shelf. There was a bag of popped popcorn that was never opened, and a bag of chips that didn't stand a chance.

Elliot knew that when Olivia left the hospital yesterday she would go home, take a bath, and maybe have a glass of wine or two. He didn't think that she would get completely wrecked, and destroy her kitchen. He smiled at the thought of a drunk Olivia stumbling through her kitchen during the middle of the night.

He bent down to pick up the bottle of beer that had spilled, forgetting for one tiny second that he was in fact an injured man. The amount of pain that ripped through his chest was unbearable. He felt his stitches separate almost immediately. He growled the pain was so intense. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe through the pain.

Olivia heard him from her bedroom, and instantly ran over to him, "Jesus, Elliot. What were you trying to do? You're bleeding!" She said trying to help him up and over to her couch.

She sat him down slowly and without even thinking, started ripping off his shirt. Elliot had noticed immediately. He felt the heat of her palms on his chest as she examined his stitches. He was thankful for the amount of pain he was in, because it prevented the situation from becoming quite an embarrassing one, as he was sure that the blood flowing out of his chest would travel to places he would never admit too.

"Are you okay?" She asked suddenly blushing as she realized the close proximity they were in. She was practically sitting in his lap. She could feel his heartbeat rapidly increase, and at first she thought it was from the amount of pain he was in; however, when she looked him in the eyes, he looked guilty. As though he was a child who got his hand caught in the cookie jar. It was then that she realized that she still hadn't put a bra on, and with the loose shirt she was wearing, Elliot could probably look right down her shirt.

Elliot backed up a bit, "yeah I'm fine," he said looking down at his stitches, "I think I just tore a stitch or two."

Olivia smiled up at him, suddenly feeling a bit bashful, "Ok. I'll um…go get some bandages." She quickly got up and ran into her bedroom to put a bra on first. She then went to her bathroom to get the supplies for Elliot.

When she came back out she put the stuff on her coffee table and sat next to Elliot, not as close as she was before, but almost. She began pouring Betadine on the cotton balls and swirling the cotton around his wound. She then got out the butterfly strips and placed them where the she could see the two stitches came apart.

"You always have butterfly strips in your medicine cabinet, Liv?" He asked her teasingly.

"I've had them for a few years. I think they are left over from---" she started without even thinking, but her voice cracked as she realized what they were left over from, so she stopped, and concentrated on cleaning Elliot up.

But he didn't let it go, "left over from what, Liv?"

When she looked up at him, with her puppy-dog brown eyes, he felt immediately guilty, as he knew her answer was going to cause her some pain, he just didn't know it was going to cause him pain as well.

"Sealview," she replied quietly.

He immediately regretted asking and placed his hand on top of hers as means of an apology. Her first instinct was to pull her hand away, as if he was on fire. Just a little contact from him made her skin scorch.

He felt her twitch and he knew she wanted to pull her hand away, but he was thankful that she didn't.

::::::::::::::::::::::

They had both passed out on her couch; him from his delicate condition, her from her hangover. Together they lay on separate sides of the couch; their legs intertwined somewhere in the middle.

She woke up first, confused as to where she was and shocked to see Elliot on her couch. It took her second to remember that he had stopped by. She suddenly realized that she never found out _why_.

She got up from the couch being very careful not to disturb Elliot. She went into the kitchen and shook her head. Flashbacks of the night before clouded her head. She vaguely remembered having sex on her counter. _What…a whore_, she thought to herself. She wasn't in college anymore! Hell, she wasn't even in her 20's anymore. She couldn't be doing this shit anymore…having one-night stands with bartenders, not sex on kitchen counters---she thoroughly enjoyed that.

She cleaned up her kitchen and Elliot didn't even stir, so she decided to get into the shower. As she stood in the warm water letting the last 24 hours wash over her, she found herself wondering what the hell Elliot was doing on _her_ couch. Why wasn't he at home on _his and Kathy's_ couch? Isn't that where he should be? She wondered if Kathy ever came to the hospital last night.

She found it odd that she didn't come right away. Olivia just chalked it up to the fact that Kathy couldn't get a sitter for Eli. She probably came after the older kids left so they could watch Eli. Right?

::::::::::::::::::::::

When Olivia stepped out of her shower she could hear Elliot talking, well more like yelling.

"I don't know, Kath! You tell me?"

Olivia shrugged for him. She did not envy the conversation he was having.

"Honestly? I don't fucking care anymore! Okay? Is that what you want to hear? I. Don't. Care."

She wanted to strangle, Kathy. Didn't she know that Elliot almost died yesterday? That he has over 30 stitches from the destruction that Dale caused? Doesn't she know that they just lost a close friend? Didn't she get it? How could she yell at him in such his fragile state? She wanted to fucking punch her.

She quickly got dressed, putting on a pair of loose fitting jeans, and a black top. She put mousse in hair, letting the waves fall around her face, she wouldn't waste the time blow drying it today. She wanted to get out there and take care of Elliot. She also put a call into Cragen, asking him for a few more days off. He was going to give them to her anyway; he was actually surprised that he didn't have to force her to take it.

He informed her that Ryan's wake would be in two days followed by his funeral and that she should just take the week off. He thought about getting her a psych consult when she agreed with no argument.

When she stepped out of her bedroom, Elliot was already off the phone. To her surprise she found him smiling, "Everything, okay?" She asked sitting next to him on the couch.

It took him a minute to take her all in. She had let her hair air dry, which meant it was wavy, and he couldn't help but think how incredible sexy it looked. He didn't allow these thoughts to cross his mind often; however, he was well aware that he was powerless to stop them, especially after a life and death experience. He couldn't explain it, but whenever he or Liv was in a life or death situation, the sexual attraction he felt for her was almost suffocating. From the moment she sat down next to him all he could smell was that wonderful fragrance.

"Elliot, you okay?" She asked again.

"What?" He said trying to correct his thoughts.

"Are you okay?" She asked growing more concern for his odd behavior. She put her hand to his forehead to see if he was warm.

Elliot smiled at her maternal instincts, "yeah I'm fine."

::::::::::::::::::

After sitting in the silence for longer than she would have liked, Olivia couldn't take it anymore. She needed to find out why, Elliot was in her apartment, and not at home with his wife and kids.

"So…" she said slowly turning her head to look at him.

"So…" he replied, rubbing his hands together nervously.

She smiled, he wasn't going to make this easy on her, "What are you doing here, El?" She blurted out, shocking herself, as well as, Elliot.

He took a deep breath, feeling the pain run through his chest, but trying desperately not to let her see it, "honestly?" He asked, looking down at her with his defeated, baby blues.

She smiled up at him, "honesty would be good."

He shifted around a bit before he answered, "I'll tell you, if you tell me what the hell happened here last night?"

She knew right away that he could tell her stomach dropped. If he didn't see it, he definitely heard her swallow the lump in her throat. She shook her head in agreement, wondering how much of last night she actually had to tell him to keep her end of the deal.

Elliot nodded too, agreement accepted. He shifted again on the sofa trying to get comfortable. "I had no other place to go," he admitted.

"What?" Olivia said, as if her ears heard wrong.

"I said-- I had no other place to go. Cragen told me he didn't want me with in ten feet of precinct for at least a week."

Olivia shook her head, "ok…so why are you here? Why aren't you home, Elliot?"

He put his hand to his face and rubbed his eyes, "let's just say I'm not welcome."

"At your own home? Elliot, what happened with, Kathy?" She asked, turning her body to face his. He couldn't look at her though. He didn't want to see that sad look she was no doubt sporting.

"It's just too much for her…_I'm_ too much for her." He looked at her with those eyes that shattered her soul, but he kept talking, "Things weren't working out, okay?" He asked as if she was accusing him. He slowly got up and started pacing, "I thought things would've have changed. I thought my…" he looked at her, unsure whether he should tell her or not. He took a deep breath and decided to grab the bull by the horns, "I thought my _feelings_ would have changed…that I could go _back _to loving her like I once did." He brought his hand to his face and rubbed the stubble on his chin, "and you want to know what the sick thing is? You want to know what makes me the fucking asshole that I am?"

She looked at him wide eyed, unable to handle his sudden confession.

He took a deep breath, "That I don't even know if I loved her all that much in the first place."

"Elliot, that's ridiculous. Of course you loved her. You have 5 beautiful children, you wouldn't have made it 20 years if you didn't love her."

"Then how come---" but he stopped himself quickly. He wasn't ready to grab _that_ bulls horns yet.

"How come, what Elliot?"

He was quick on his feet with an alternative ending, but one that also held truth, "then how come it's so easy to let her go."

Olivia almost laughed; did he not remember the two years after his separation the first time? "You're kidding right? Elliot, when Kathy left you a few years ago, you ah…" How could she put this nicely? "Were a brooding ass 99% of the time."

Elliot smiled at her, because he knew she was right, sorta, "I had a hard time adjusting to not living with my kids, not seeing them everyday." He took a seat back down on her couch, and exhaled a breath that he had been holding for a very long time. "I'm just so sick of fucking up their lives."

Olivia placed her hand on his back and rubbed slowly in a comforting way, "Everything will be fine in the end; if it's not fine, it's not the end."

Elliot smiled and looked at her, "I like that," he said and he repeated it to himself.

"Yeah, I've always liked it too."

"So…you going to tell me what happened here last night, or what?" He said nudging her side with his elbow.

"Just had a few too many drinks is all." She said trying to say casual so that he didn't ask her anymore questions.

"Uh huh." His eyes looked her up and down disbelievingly, "and uh…what'd you do get in fight with your vacuum cleaner?"

Olivia's eyes went wide, "What?"

Elliot drew a cocky grin, "You gotta little something, over there," he said pointing to the back of her neck.

Olivia's hand went instinctively to the back of her neck. She saw it when she got out of the shower, but thought that her hair would have covered it. Damn, Elliot. Damn him and his top-notch detective ways.

"What do you want me to tell you, Elliot?" She said defensively, "Yesterday was a shit day and---"

Elliot put his hand up to stop her, "Stop. It's ok. I'm not judging you, okay?" He placed his hand on hers in place of an apology.

"Ok," she said softly, only slightly aware of the changing dynamics of their partnership.

Could it be that their black and white stripes have bled together into what one would call a gray shaded area?

::::::::::::

tbc...


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: sorry, i didn't find a beta to look over this (anyone interested?) Hope you enjoy all the same

II

_Zebras are important prey for lions and hyenas, and to a lesser extent for hunting dogs, leopards and cheetahs. When a family group is attacked, the members form a semicircle, face the predator and watch it, ready to bite or strike should the attack continue. If one of the family is injured the rest will often encircle it to protect it from further attack. _

::::::::::::

The past few days have been nothing but a blur; a big scary, sad, incredible, blur. Incredible? Yes, and she feels horrible for admitting it, even to herself. Ryan's wake was awful, his funeral worse; but coming home to Elliot every night, was…well... comforting. She had lost control of her emotions a dozen times over the past few days and every time Elliot was right there, welcoming her into his warm embrace.

It was awkward at first, they will both admit. They had boundaries; strict boundaries that were never supposed to be crossed. They were not in writing, they were not discussed, they weren't even captain orders. They were their own personal rules that were never spoken of, but completely understood. And somehow over the past eleven years they never once crossed those boundaries, until a few days ago.

The emotional toll of the past few days left them vulnerable and needy. Normally Olivia would never allow Elliot to see her during an emotion breakdown, but since he was staying with her for the time being, it seemed it was all he saw. How could he not hold her when she was shaking and sobbing uncontrollably? He couldn't. He pulled her body close to his and let her cry until she could cry no more.

He whispered sweet things into her ear, his mouth so close to her neck that it sent shivers down her spine. She held onto him so tight at times, that she thought maybe he would leave a bruise.

Boundaries were needed when you fell in love with your partner.

After Ryan's funeral the gang (minus Cragen) had gone out for drinks. Quite a few drinks at that. They sat around a table telling stories about Ryan, some made them laugh, some made them sit in silence and miss the shit out of him, all made them realize how short life truly is.

It wasn't until she went up to the bar to get another round that she saw the familiar figure standing near the end of the bar. His eyes instantly made contact with her and immediately lit up. _Shit_. She smiled softly and prayed to God that he wouldn't come over to her. She needed to get the hell out of there, and she needed to get out of there fast.

"Liv, hey."

_Damn, too late._

She turned around leaning in to his outstretched hands for an awkward hug. Upon seeing this, Elliot abruptly got up and rushed to her side. Only on after thought did he think maybe his colleagues might find his behavior a bit…possessive. He decided to wait a minute, play it cool, maybe he would order a couple of shots. Yes, that's what he was doing at the bar, ordering shots.

"I thought you would have called me after last Friday. I mean, we were amazing, Liv," He whispered into her ear, but just loud enough for Elliot's ears to hear.

His blood boiled. So this was the asshole, he thought. He wanted to rip him in two. His fits clenched at his sides as he waited to make his move. He played a mental game in his head whether he should interrupt them while he waited. This could be the guy. Like _the one_. Did he really want to screw that up for her? He wanted Liv to be happy, he did. He just wanted her to be happy with him.

Up until a few days ago he would have never thought that Liv had any interest in him. He was just her jar headed partner, with a hot temper and five kids. Olivia was gorgeous and so far out of Elliot's league it wasn't funny. In all these years it never occurred to Elliot that Olivia might in fact find him desirable.

The past few days; however, had changed that. He felt it when he held her. She held on to him tight and let herself fall apart in his arms. The boundaries were changing, the lines were being crossed, there was hope for these two after all; he just knew it.

Holding her in his arms while she cried, made him want her; more than he had ever wanted anybody in his entire life. It scared him when he realized how deep his feeling for her really ran. All these years he had to deny them, hide them, and never, ever let them out. It never occurred to him that maybe Olivia was doing the same.

"I don't mean to freak you out, but there is some guy over there, and he's totally staring at you, and it's creeping me out." Brett whispered into Olivia's ear.

She didn't have to turn around to know who Brett was talking about, so she didn't. She simply smiled at Brett and said, "That would be my partner. He gets a little…ummm--"

"Jealous? Protective? Crazy?" Brett offered and Olivia couldn't help but laugh, "I think he's giving me the look of death right now."

She turned around and smiled at Elliot. She couldn't help but feel a warm wave rumble through her stomach when their eyes caught. His jealous blues immediately calmed when they looked into hers. He made a hand gesture and mouthed, _shot?_

She shook her head, and mouthed back, _one sec_.

She turned back to Brett, but before she could say anything, Brett spoke first, "He's the one isn't he?"

Completely shocked, Olivia had no idea what to say. What was he talking about?

Brett leaned in closer, "I don't know if you noticed, this or not; but, every time you come to my bar, it's because of that guy." He said leering at Elliot. Olivia again, didn't know what to say. Sensing this Brett continued, "He clearly cares about you, Liv and I don't want to get on that guys bad side, so I'll catch ya later, Liv." He simply stated and walked away and out of the bar.

::::::::::::

"You notice Elliot's not wearing his ring?" Munch said quietly to Fin.

"Damn straight I noticed and probably before you," he joked.

They both sipped their drinks and watched suspiciously at Elliot and Olivia who downed shots at the bar.

"No! No!" Olivia shouted as she laughed at something Elliot was saying. She tipped her head back and lost her balance on her stool and almost fell over. John and Fin were about to jump in and help her, but they held back when Elliot stepped in and wrapped his arms around her until she stopped wobbling.

But he didn't let go once she was stable. His arms only wrapped around her tighter. Munch and Fin watched as Elliot whispered something into Olivia's ear. They both would have given up their entire pension to know what was being said.

"I didn't like that guy all over you," he whispered.

"Get out?" She joked, "you scared the shit out of him, Elliot."

For some reason, Elliot didn't move his position. His arms were wrapped snuggly around her waist and he liked them there, they fit perfectly. Over the past few days he had grown accustom to holding her like this. He liked being close to her and he wasn't ready to pull away from her yet, so he didn't.

"I didn't like it, Liv," He whispered into her ear, hoping that maybe she would get the meaning that he was trying to convey.

His breath was hot on her ear and it was driving her completely crazy. She wanted to tell him to back away, that this was inappropriate, especially with the whole department not more than 10 feet away. However, the words wouldn't leave her mouth, because…God how she loved them there.

She drunkenly leaned into him and he began rubbing circles around her back. "It's been a long couple days, Liv." He whispered into her ear, "I just wanted to tell you, that having you around; it's been…it…makes it easier, you know?" He looked her into the eyes and smiled, "I guess I'm trying to say thanks. Thanks for being my best friend."

When she felt him sniff her hair, she thought she was going to loose it. His one hand fell upon her thigh and he started rubbing it subconsciously. She began to feel like she was in the spot light. She looked over and saw Fin and Munch staring over at them. Lord only knew what those two were up too.

"Hey El, you want to get outta here?" She whispered into his ear. Her cheeks instantly turned red as the words came out a lot more seductively than she was trying to be.

He looked at her with huge bright eyes, "absolutely."

They didn't' say goodbye to anyone, they just got up and left, as if they were never even there.

"Should we run after them?" Munch asked Fin when they saw Olivia and Elliot practically run out of the bar.

"What? You think they are going to have sex, don't you? Look man, I know what everyone is saying about those two, ok? I've heard it for the past ten years, and I'm telling ya John, they're wrong. You're wrong. Elliot's a married man. I mean, yeah ok, I'll admit tonight they seemed more…uh cozy with each other than in the past, but blame it on the alcohol." He looked over at Munch who had a silly-ass grin on his face.

"I meant should we go after them cause Olivia left her purse here." He said as he held up the small black bag, "but I'm glad to hear your thoughts on Benson and Stabler after all these years."

::::::::::::

They walked home on the warm summer night. She hated to say it, but it was terribly romantic. The moon was full and bright, and the sky was lit up with trillions of stars. They didn't speak on the way home, they just walked, bumping into each other every once in awhile.

When they finally arrived at her door Olivia swore loudly, bit her lip nervously and turned toward Elliot, who had no idea, what the fuck just happened, "I left my purse at the bar."

"Oh…"

"Yeah, I don't have my keys…"

Elliot smiled, "No problem, I got mine."

Olivia smiled, "yes! I totally forgot I gave you set!" Her smile faded quickly though, "I should probably go back and get my purse though…"

"Did you leave it at the table?" He asked already getting out his phone, she nodded yes, and he quickly hit send on his phone, "Hey John, look Olivia ---ah yes. Great thanks."

"What'd he say?"

"He said that he has your purse he'll give it to you tomorrow at work if that's ok."

"Sounds good," she said and Elliot opened the door for her.

When they arrived on her floor she all of a sudden felt nervous, very nervous; like end-of-the-first-date nervous. She started to doubt herself. What if everything that was happening was really just in her head? What if she had just wanted this so bad, that she was tricking her mind into believing that Elliot was actually giving her _those _signals?

Once they entered her apartment she got her answer, because Elliot was on her like white on rice. It happened so fast she didn't even know what happened first. All she knew was that Elliot had her propped up against the door and his lips were fiercely attacking hers, and it felt incredible. His one hand cupped her jaw and ran through her hair, while the other hand wasted no time and was half way up her skirt.

She kissed him back fiercely, giving him everything that he was giving her. Her hands ran through his short hair, and she heard him growl and it awoke every animalistic instinct she had in her. She lifted her leg and wrapped it around his waist pulling him even closer to her. She could feel him hard against her, and he was everything she thought he would be, and more…much more.

She was aware that they were going too fast, and probably should stop and talk about this; however, no fiber in her being wanted this to stop, so for the first time in her life she kept her mouth shut.

They probably would have fucked right there, up against the door, if it hadn't been for Elliot's phone. He swore up and down when he heard it go off, and Olivia instantly felt awful. She didn't hear his cell go off, she was too revved up and wrapped up in Elliot to notice, so she naturally thought that he got upset at her, and what they were doing.

She felt little to no relief that he was upset because they were getting interrupted, not because he wanted to stop. The damage had already been done. It was too late, her mind already whirling the percussions of their act. He backed up just enough so he could get his phone out of his pocket.

"Stabler," he said into the phone, and the moment he heard the voice on the other end he backed up a few more steps from her.

She wasn't an idiot, she knew who it was. She quietly made for the bathroom to freshen herself up. She had to get a hold of herself; for starters she pulled her skirt down, and straighten out her top. She ran her hands through her hair, and reminded herself that Elliot was still married, M-A-R-R-I-E-D. She then tried not to panic when she realized that she had just made out with her partner, with Elliot, with the forbidden.

It hit her like a ton of bricks. She sunk to the floor and tried not have a panic attack. She almost just had sex with a married man. They had gone too far, and now she couldn't handle it. She was so embarrassed she didn't know how she was ever going to look at Elliot again. She quickly got up and locked the bathroom door; she wasn't coming out tonight, possibly ever.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: this took long than i thought to post. Sorry about that. Also, it's not Beta'd...mainly because i don't have one...

III

"The twins just got in," Kathy stated on the other line.

Elliot quickly glanced at his watch; he couldn't believe it was only 11pm. All the drinking has warped his brain. He forgot that they had gone to the bar so early, he was expecting his watch to say 3am or something.

"Kath, its 11:05."

"I told them they had to be home 11pm. Not a minute later Elliot, much less five. Now you are going to have to come home and punish them!"

Elliot couldn't believe his ears. Was she kidding? "Excuse me? I'm not coming home just to yell the twins for being a few minutes late!"

"You have too! They will listen to you. I'm not going to yell at them, it won't do anything."

"You have got to be _fucking_ kiddingme! The scary part is that I know you're serious. Why do I always have to be the bad guy? Huh? This is why the kids hate me so much! Jesus Christ Kathy, they're your kids too, grow a pair and be the parent instead of their friend for once!" He said and slammed his phone shut.

What…a bitch!

He had to take a few deep breaths, and push his aggravation aside. He had bigger problems to deal with: getting Olivia out of the bathroom.

::::::::::::::

"I'm not going anywhere, Liv. You can come out now, or you can come out hours from now, I'm still going to be here."

He sat against the wall, pulling his knees up, so he had some place to rest his elbows, "It was inevitable, you know? Us, this," he said waving his arms around. "You know what the funny thing is? The thing that makes me know you so damn well? I knew you would do this…hide. Often times…and I mean often," he said with a smile, "I would imagine what it would be like to be with you, kiss you, touch you…"

He licked his lower lip, still able to taste her on his lips, "and I would think about what would happen after, the repercussions if you will, and every time I knew you would run. Just get as far away from me as you could."

He stood up and placed his ear to the door, "I guess I'm lucky that you're just in the bathroom, not all the way across the country…"

::::::::::

Olivia rolled onto her knees and leaned over then toilet. She was going to get sick, it was just a matter of time. Her head started to ache, followed by a spinning sensation that was not caused from Elliot's lips on hers. She thought back to what she had drank that night: endless shots of soco lime, beer after beer, and she slightly remembers a shot of tequila somewhere in the mix. That did the trick. She heaved heavily into the porcelain, praying to God that it would be over soon.

"Liv? Liv, you okay?" Elliot said as he knocked on the door. He heard her groan, and then shift, followed by the splash of stomach contents being lurched into the toilet. He quickly opened the door and saw Olivia holding onto the toilet for dear life.

"'S fine," she gurgled.

He saw a hair tie on the counter and grabbed it as he knelt down on the floor behind her. He pulled her hair back while she continued to vomit, trying to be as fast as possible while he slipped her thick and gorgeous hair into the tie. She would never allow him, or anybody for that matter to take care of her. She was always,_ fine_. She could be lying on the ground bleeding to death and Olivia Benson would still insist that she was, _fine._

As he thought about that, a distant memory crept into his memory. Olivia lying on the ground, her neck gushing blood, and she demanding that she was fine, and that Elliot should, "go!" His heart stopped as he thought about that tragic day. He had what one could call an 'ah ha' moment, and it hit him like a slap in the face.

They had never discussed that day, never, not once. But now, as he rubs her back and watches her as her stomach contracts, he can't help but wonder if Olivia really thought she was "fine", or did perhaps somewhere in that morphed brain of hers, did she think she was going to die that day?

"Uh, I'm so sorry, Elliot," she said as she grabbed some tissues and wiped her mouth.

Elliot quickly pulled out of his trance to attend to her, "Do you want some water?" He asked as he was half way out the door, going to get it anyways.

She nodded her head and flushed the toilet, turning her body to rest against the cold porcelain of her tub. She pulled her knees up and rested her elbows on them.

"Here," Elliot said handing her the bottle of water a moment later.

"Thanks," she said softly.

"Feel better now that you got it all out?" He asked as he took a seat on the ledge of the tub.

"Yeah, a little," she said standing up slowly. Elliot quickly stood up to help steady her.

"Thanks," she murmured, as she turned on the faucet to wash her hands and brush her teeth.

Elliot stood behind her while she completed her tasks; his large hands never leaving the sides of her small waist. He felt proud being able to see her like this. Olivia was not known for letting people in, so he was honored that she was allowing him to see this side of her. He liked this side of her, but he couldn't help but wonder when she was going to realize this and tell him to get the hell out and of course that she was, "fine". He was shocked when it never happened.

When she was all done she turned off the faucet and stared in mirror looking at Elliot through it, "Thank you, Elliot. I ah---I'm sorry you had to see that." She said with a sympathetic smile on her face.

Elliot smiled back, "So am I," he joked.

Olivia's cheeks went red, she was so embarrassed, but she didn't have enough energy to care. She suddenly felt the room start to spin again, and knew she needed to lie down immediately.

Sensing Olivia was going to pass out at any second; he wrapped his arm around her waist, and helped her walk towards her bedroom.

"Thank you, Elliot. I'm so sorry," she said softly, as he helped sit her down on her bed. She couldn't believe how incredibly pathetic she must have looked. She could barely walk straight. She didn't like the fact that Elliot was seeing her in such a weak state. She _really_ didn't like thatit's all Elliot has seen in the past week.

"You don't have to apologize, Liv. I can't count the number of times you've seen me in a similar situation." That caused a giggle out of Olivia. "Ah, so you remember?" He said through smirk as he pulled down the sheets.

"Lil' bit," she said, wanting nothing more then to climb underneath the sheets and pass out.

"Ok, then," Elliot said pulling the sheets up over Olivia. He didn't think she would be comfortable sleeping in her clothes, but he didn't think either one of them could handle changing her clothes, both for completely different reasons.

As went to turn the light off, he heard her soft voice call to him.

"Hmm?" He answered spinning around.

"I said, stay."

Elliot's head perked up, "Uh, yeah. I'll just be on the couch."

Olivia took a deep breath, rolled her eyes and patted the spot next to hers, "Here."

Elliot swallowed loudly, and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I promise I won't throw-up on you," she said with a smile.

It took him about .003 seconds to get from the door to the other side of her bed, where he sat down before she changed her mind. He toed off his shoes and undid his tie, then took off his button down as he climbed into bed with her.

Olivia.

His partner.

The forbidden.

She turned on her back, her eyes closed, "I don't know if it because I'm drunk, but this doesn't feel weird," she opened her eyes and turned her head towards him, "being in bed with you, it doesn't feel weird."

Elliot rolled over on his side so he could face her, "I know. Maybe because we've spent days upon days on top of each other for the past eleven years." Olivia's eyes popped and she began to laugh making Elliot rethink what he had said, "No! No!" He laughed, "I mean--I meant, that --" But it was no use Olivia was full out laughing.

"I know what you meant, El." She said turning over to her side.

They looked into each others eyes in silence for the next few minutes, before Olivia's eyes could no longer bare the weight of her lids. Her last thought before sleep took over was that she could get used to this; Elliot in her bed, his sparking blue eyes the last things she sees before she drifts off.

::::::::::::::::

He woke up a couple hours later from something tickling his nose. He brushed the offensive item out of his face twice with out opening his eyes. It was the familiar scent that forced his eyes open. It was torturous to the blood flowing to his lower half. When the room came into focus he almost yelped out loud.

He was cuddling with Olivia, completely. His arm was wrapped tightly around her waist, with her arm over his, making it impossible for him to move it. Not that he wanted too. His head was resting in the crook of her neck, and the offending objected, was not in fact offending at all. It was the strains of her dark, wavy, could-be-in-a-commercial hair. Their bodies fit perfectly together. Every curve of hers was consumed by the body mass that was his. He wanted to run his hand down the length of her thigh, the inside of her thigh, he wanted to cup her mound and---

No. He had to stop. This was unacceptable. He had to take a deep breath and think about mundane things, baseball, DD5's, Munch--oh well that could work. God forbid what would happen if Olivia woke up? Images of her screaming "pervert" and kicking him out of her bed kept running through his mind. He had to make sure he had complete control over his body.

He realized that might not happen, especially when he heard a small moan that sounded a lot like, "Ellll," run across her lips.

_Munch, Munch, Munch_

His heart was pounding so fast, he could probably see it beating through his shirt. Was this God punishing him? Because this was hell; complete and utter hell.

"Elliot," he heard again, only this time her hips jerked forward only to come back crashing into him. All he could do was stare at the back of her neck. He wanted to kiss the living fuck out of it. He wanted to sink his teeth into it, and suck on it until it was claimed his. The movement from her hips was making it impossible for him. He was going to have to go to the bathroom to relieve himself. It was the only option that didn't end up in him being a _complete_ perv.

He slowly and carefully tried to lift Olivia's arm from him. Once he was free he tried not to make any sudden movements as he attempted to get out of the bed. It was almost impossible as his dick was throbbing, aching to be let out and set free.

He froze immediately when he felt a hand, _her_ hand. On _his _waist.

Her voice was deep and a little groggy, but her words were crystal clear, "Elliot, wait."


	4. Chapter 4

IV

_Plains (Burchell's) zebras are the most common species. They live in small family groups consisting of a male (stallion), several females, and their young. These units may combine with others to form awe-inspiring herds thousands of head strong, but family members will remain close within the herd. _

She rolled over so that she was face to face with him, all of him. She was not surprised to see his erection in full force. After all, it had been poking her in the back for the past 2 hours.

"Liv, I uh…I umm," his face immediately turned red, as he tried to place his pillow over his throbbing lower half.

"Elliot," she said in a low, soft tone, "its ok," she said grabbing the pillow from him. She thought she had thrown up all the alcohol in her system, but it had to be still in her blood system because she wasn't normally so forward.

She placed her hand on his waist and pulled him closer to her, gently sucking on his neck.

"Liv…" he moaned.

She pulled him further into her body, crushing her breasts with his firm chest. She could feel his erection against her abdomen, and it was making her stomach do flip flops. He pressed his lips to hers, consuming every part of her mouth. His hands ran through her hair and down her sides, sending shivers throughout her entire body.

He ran his hands around her hips, stopping for a moment as he came across the edge of her jeans; he glanced up at her as if asking for permission. She nodded her head and he methodically unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans, pulling them down in to her knees. She shimmied out of them using her feet for help.

"Are you okay?" She asked as she rubbed his face. The bruises had faded, but she could still see them, and it made her heart ache that she did that to him. She then looked down at his now discarded shirt, only to see the bandages which, held his chest together.

"Fine," he mumbled as he sucked on her neck.

"You sure? Your chest--"

"Liv," he interrupted, as he looked her body up and down. Was she kidding? She was lying half naked beneath him, of course he was fine. Her body was incredible. He had always known this, how exotic she was, but now…now he finally gets to touch her beauty. Her skin was silky soft, naturally tan and his hands roamed every place possible at the moment. Her breasts were perfect in shape and size and he couldn't wait to get his hands…lips all over them. His eyes ran down to her legs; those fucking legs that she has been torturing him with for the past 11 years. Finally,_ finally _he was going to know what it felt like to have them wrapped around his waist, "Trust me. I've never been better."

She smiled back at him, blushing like a school girl. They looked into each others eyes, soaking in every emotion that was penetrating out of them. They were going to do this, _it_. They were going to do it. It excited every part of her body.

This was perfect, absolutely perfect, so of course something had to happen to spoil her perfect moment.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Olivia yelped as she heard her land line ring. Elliot groaned and moved off of her, allowing her to answer the phone.

"Benson."

::::::::::::::::::

She walked through the precinct doors wondering if it showed. She felt much like she had when she lost her virginity so many years ago. She remembers the fear; the fear that her mother would be able to tell, like it was written all over her face.

That is exactly how she felt now. Only this time she worried that "Dad" wouldn't be able to see it, like it was written all over her face: Benson and Stabler hooked up.

She couldn't help but smile. It came from the bottom of her stomach, this warming sensation that crawled up into the depth of her cheeks causing them to stretch. Could she still be drunk? She quickly tried to snap herself out of it. She couldn't be giddy at 5 o'clock in the morning on a Sunday.

"Morning, Benson," she heard Munch say as she walked in.

She saw her purse on her desk with a cup of coffee, "Thanks, John. I owe you one."

"No problem," he said with a smile as he sat at his desk.

"You know what's up?" She asked motioning to Cragen's office.

"You don't want to know," he said with a sympathetic smile, "28 year old woman, raped and beaten, and dumped in the East River."

"Fuck," Olivia said softly, knowing that would leave little to no evidence, "Name?"

"Yeah, Jane Doe."

Olivia couldn't help but smile at Johns sarcasm. Even a horrible case couldn't cure her perma-grin.

:::::::::::::::::::

As the day progressed her smile began to fade to insecurities. It was now almost noon, and she hadn't heard anything from Elliot. She checked her cell for the hundredth time, the battery hadn't died and she had full service. She let out a long sigh and ran her hands along her face. She needed to stay focus. The case was important now, not her personal life.

:::::::::::::::::::

He was in the middle of making a pot of coffee when he heard the light knocking on Olivia's door. He wondered for a minute if he should answer it. It's not like it was his apartment, but his instinct took over and he reached for the knob.

"Kathleen!?" "Dad!" They said simultaneously. Both shocked and confused as to what the other was doing there.

"What are you doing here?" He asked as he nervously let her in.

"I could ask you the same thing," she said with a raised brow.

His heart sped up, and he wondered if his daughter noticed the layer of sweat that was forming on his forehead, "I uh…" He looked at his cup of coffee and sat it down on the island, "I uh, " he cleared his throat and tried to speak again.

The problem was that he didn't know what to say. Did he tell her he was staying there? Did he lie to her? What would make a valid reason for him being at Olivia's apartment so early in the morning…with out her?

"Oh Jesus, Dad! You guys aren't---"

He couldn't let her finish that sentence, so he quickly shouted, "No! No, I'm just staying here for awhile."

Kathleen looked at him disbelievingly, as she chewed the side of cheek. "I'm guessing Kath doesn't know about this," she said pointing around the apartment.

He hesitated for second, before he scolded her for calling her mother, by her first name. He took a sip of his coffee, letting the warm liquid slide down his throat. "And no, your mother doesn't know." He began to feel guilty, as a father and a husband, and with his guilt came anger. He was losing his cool. "What the hell are you doing at Olivia's, Kathleen?"

Kathleen rolled her eyes, "Take a pill, Dad. I'm here because it's Sunday." Looking at Elliot's confused faced she explained further, "I have group meetings around the corner. I saw Liv one day when I got out and she invited me up for breakfast…and it's become a weekly thing." She said as she went over to Olivia's cupboards and pulled out a coffee mug.

Elliot furrowed his brows as he watched Kathleen maneuver around Liv's kitchen like she lived there. Olivia had been having breakfast with Kathleen? Why wouldn't she mention that? How long has it been going on? And why did it seem like Kathleen was hiding something?

Kathleen filled her mug and sat down on a stool at the island, "Are you mad, Daddy?"

Elliot looked at his daughter, surprised by her questions, "What? No, I'm not mad. I just…I don't know, it's odd is all."

Kathleen nodded her head, "Yeah I can see that." She stated, and stared at her coffee while she thought, "She's really good to me, good for me."

Elliot nodded his head; he knew exactly what she meant, because Olivia was just as good to/for Elliot.

"I can talk to her, you know? About…stuff. And she doesn't judge, or get mad, she just listens, or gives me advice. It's kinda nice actually." She said with a smile as she took a sip of her coffee. "I finally get it, you know?"

Elliot shook his head, "No."

"Why she's such an important person in your life. She amazes me, Dad. She really does. I never realized what an incredible woman she is. Where is she by the way?"

"Got called in," Elliot said, as he took a seat on the stool across for Kathleen.

"Figures."

They sat at Olivia's island for a couple of minutes before Elliot spoke. "You know, Kath…Liv and I…she…we…she's my best friend---"

"Dad, stop. I know you and Liv aren't together, or whatever," she said shrugging her shoulders at the thought of her father doing 'whatever'.

"So, it doesn't bother you that I'm staying here?" He asked shocked.

Kathleen thought for a moment before she spoke, "No. I uh…I think it might be good for her---"

But before Elliot could ask her what she meant by that, her cell phone had rang and she was pretty much out the door.


End file.
